Boundaries

 

When I was young I was not allowed to have boundaries. And as I got older it was a hard thing to learn, especially as a people pleaser. And especially as an empath, boundaries can become confusing.  Sometimes you almost can't figure out where you end and the other begins, especially concerning emotions.  

When you start learning to build your boundaries, for me a lot of time it came from a place of anger.  Someone had bulldozed me into doing something I didn't want to do and I would be mad at them.  Now I know this makes no sense.  Why would I be mad at someone else over a choice I had made. It was because I felt I really had no choice.  I felt like I had to say yes, because if I didn't that made me a bad friend,  or it made me selfish.  

It often would also come from being angry maybe about what someone had said. (usually my grandma) I would get mad but never say a word. I was afraid to have an opinion, afraid to have wants and needs and make them known. And the truth is I still have problems building healthy boundaries. But I can say boundary building for me has become something I try to face with consciousness.  

I no longer wait for myself to become angry to build a boundary.  In fact it usually has little to do with those outside of myself.  It comes from a place of respect for myself.  I am not going to stay in a place where I feel I'm being disrespected, or be around people who make me feel like I'm less worthwhile then them. If it's someone I truly care about I try to talk with them about how I feel in a healthy way. But I haven't had to do that in a long time now.  

I feel like it's important to build boundaries when you are not angry and build a relationship with yourself by having a set of standards that you apply with consistency.  And a lot of the time it doesn't even take words to defend your boundaries.  A look, and well placed silence can go a long way. Maybe removing yourself from the room or changing the subject. 

I am personally fixing to start building a new set of boundaries for my own self. I want to change my habits and actually start parenting myself.  I let myself get away with eating to much junk, and letting myself be distracted way too often. I feel like that is going to mean building a boundary around eating, like maybe no sweets for 6 days a week. Something simple that I can build on as I go. Maybe only letting myself read or scroll for 1 hr a day. Everything else I pick up my phone for needs to have purpose.  

Yeah. I like that.  

Anyway have a blessed day.  

Delila Bishop